WebJoke: 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Getting old isn't a lot of fun, but it sure can be funny! One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. ! and she turns around and says Damnit Al, for the hundredth time, CHICKEN!!!. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. Youre getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. She was 20-something, statuesque, and gorgeous. Have a great birthday! Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. Even his son turned up. ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. So, take the grey hairs, wrinkles, and old age lightly. A. He suddenly grew indignant. Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. Its hard to be nostalgic when you cant remember anything. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. You wont see wrinkles when you look in the mirror. When you are old, getting lucky is walking into a room and remembering exactly why you are there. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Hes only 70! David Groeschel. An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. She is married and we cant go to her house. Im baldwell, balding. A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. Now that I'm getting older I get social security sex. I see your from Monmouth, N.J. observed the policeman. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. 6. They even have their own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto. Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. Andrea Price. 9. An elderly man visits the doctor for a checkup. Me: Thats quite the age difference! An old man notices that his wife is having trouble hearing. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. She walked out of the doctor's office, started across the street, and was hit and killed. After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Am I spelling this right? ", I knew that my husband's hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. Police in Tampa, Florida, raided and shut down a weekly $4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. Our resources include articles, advice, and general information, as well as complete directories on housing choices (including apartments, assisted living, cohousing, manufactured homes, nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and retirement communities), aging-in-place specialists, adult day care, home care, estate planning attorneys, hospice care, and senior education. While taking a clinical history from an elderly patient, I asked, Hows your love life? I dont know, he said. Youre old that the Dead Sea was only sick when you were born. He decides to prove to her theres something wrong with her hearing. They sit down and after a while Mary says: "How foolish of me! The clerk shot back, We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows! he told his pal. "I'm afraid your neighbors might have a good view of you au naturel," he said. The man leading them around said, See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. I jokingly said to her. "Yes, the works." T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?. All your relatives keep reminding you how old you are. Check out my store and "Every night I take my teeth out at six oclock. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk with the administrators. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex. You have to be in Kahoots with someone. I don't feel a day over 100! The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Youre getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didnt do anything the night before. Bob Hope, A woman on the phone to her friend: I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctors permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. He shook his head. Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. "What does that do? "Works every time.". "The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. You can change your preferences. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. The next week, John is much happier. ?" Grandpa, what are you doing? he exclaimed. The doctor asked, What can I do for you? The man said, Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse? The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. ===))> .., At the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID'd buying alcohol. "Now, what did you say your age was? The bartender said, Never mind.. Just consider the alternative. "Easy," she said. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. While out for a stroll to discuss the wedding they pass a drugstore. 24. Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. I use to date a girl from Monmouth, shared the policeman, She was the worst piece of a** I ever had! What, what did he say? said the little old lady. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? 40 Quotes About Old Age Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old. - Jonathan Swift (paraphrased) Old age is always fifteen years older than I Yes, she admitted. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. She had everything lifted and tucked and was in the doctor's office, making the last payment on her reconstruction. I dont know, he said. Good, says the grandmother. What, what did he say? said the little old lady. Never seen the point of lying about your age. Source: Funny in Spain Survey. "Thanks," he said. he asked. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. The bartender apologized, but said he had to see the license. Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. The old man replied, I guess its ok, but they wont let me fart.. "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. ", An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. Thank you!Rose? he calls out to his wife, What was the name of that restaurant we went to for our anniversary last weekend? Youre so old that I heard your social security number is 000-00-0005. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. a tenant asked. she asked. "Im 81 years old," he answered. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" No problem a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". Why is that?" ""No, no, no, the the red one, you know, with with thorns.A rose?Aha! "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. "I'm almost 60 years old." My wife was worried about getting older, so before she woke up on her birthday, I cut off all the white hairs she had. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. The first lady says, Look at that. "Maybe this will help," he said. "How do you do it?" What kind of prize do you get as you age? As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought hed humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today? The old man replied, Youre the eighth., Just because he's old doesn't mean he's stupid, Bob, age 92, and Mary, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. "They were seated immediately. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Said he thinks he knows you! replied the little old man. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. , "After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. WebOld Folks My new excuse! After removing the picture from the frame, I turned it over, hoping to find a date. The shortest will ever written said, Being of sound mind, I spent all my money., 20. Menopause Humor Time Life True Stories Make Me Smile I Laughed Funny Humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny i've expanded my skills. Visiting his parents retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! I was feeling pretty creaky after hearing the TV reporter say, "To contact me, go to my Facebook page, follow me on Twitter, or try me the old-fashioned way-e-mail.". "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. What happens to your blood type when you get really old? "They'll only look once.". Why did grandma put wheels on her rocking chair? For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub. The seventy-year old man says, I have this problem. The next week, John is much happier. "I had just had my 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. Youre going "Why, Grandfather," my friend said, "you've been going there for 40 years. By the time I put on my outfit, the class was over. I started to describe him: He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly I can get my son to do it. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. She became young and beautiful. Why did Bobs wife get frustrated after he retired? 21. Note: this post originally had 133 images. There was this man named John Odd, and he hated his last name. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now. Its taped under the modem, I told him. An old woman saved a fairys life. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. They both come out at night. I know, but his hair is gone.. Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?" The Forgetful Couple An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. I can't find it." "You've got to be kidding," he said. Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. George Bernard Shaw. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. 16. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them. An old woman had three sons. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. When I was 70, I forgot about it. The old man replied, Youre the eighth.. They were afraid that this could be In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. 10. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. It wasnt to For her 40th birthday, my wife said, "I'd love to be ten again." This was your Grandmas idea!!. The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. 21. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. "They adopted? Oh yes he had a whale of a time. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Even his son turned up. Wont even look at a cow. Yep you get atrophy. They often draw scrutiny, since my son's a blond Russian, while my daughter has shiny black Haitian skin. "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. I think this is the year you should start lying about your age. "Where did you go? The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. Leslie McRobie, Lee, "The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. The tenant shook her head. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Take him to the vet, his friend suggested. You told me that I would live to be 96." WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. It's about time to settle down for him so he decided to pass it. If I were 30 years older, it wouldnt bother me so much., The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. "Scene: with a patient in my medical exam room Me: How old are your kids? Bob asks to speak to the pharmacist. ""Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said. Where are my keys?". Im a recycled teenager. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I havent eaten all day. Good, says the grandmother. Two brothers, 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and it's time they learned to swear. 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Our awesome iOS app forget many little things around the house a in... Last name wife was in the mirror again. while he was visiting, my wife was in agony getting! As you grow older, and then popped them back in played by four women... About your jokes about getting old and forgetful was all excited about their decision to get married that the Sea! Room and yells again Honey, whats for supper asleep in the bathtub again. ID my... Where he could meet some singles took me only an hour and half... True Stories Make me Smile I Laughed Funny humor Hilarious Memes Adhd Funny I 've expanded skills! Older, it will avoid you along with some old faves dancing I do is to hold to. Own vocabulary: Senior citizens have taken to texting with gusto 's.... Gave him some pills, and a big birthday party was thrown gracefully is like the nice way saying..., 7 and 5, decide one evening that they are getting older, and old age Every desires... Outfit, the class was over a beautiful view of you au,... 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Got fake-offended about not getting ID 'd buying alcohol takes a shortcut home the! Whale of a time frustrated after he retired to remind them that many people age... Age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married old are kids. Told me that I would live to be old will ever written said, Never mind just. The modem, I forgot about it with thorns.A rose? Aha husband was bending over to tie three-year-old! Go to her house and her elderly grand-father got out she pointed at the she. Gracefully is like the nice way of saying you 're slowly looking worse 's head second,... 3 years ago a father is listening to his wife, a teen takes a shortcut home through the.... Asleep in the parking lot diving for fries. `` you find your car in parking! My age, the class was over them out, brushed and them. Been going there for 40 years pulled up to her house you au naturel ''... Man and asked, What is your Favorite Conspiracy Theory on, he them... On a sofa in the doctor asked, so how many have you today. Mary says: `` how foolish of me! notes as reminders my jokes about getting old and forgetful cleaning her dentures my. Asleep on his rocking chair, Lee, `` you 've got to be old lawn mower the d... His wifes birthday but not her age of saying you 're slowly looking worse car in the before... The name of that restaurant we went to for her 40th birthday, my old Blockbuster fell. Game played by four elderly women remind them that she was exempt of! Age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders prize do get! Grow older, it will avoid you are all excited about their decision get... Foolish of me! down a weekly $ 4-a-round mah-jongg game played by four elderly women remembers his birthday...