He wanted to live in the present. Czechout. 87. How do rabbits travel? 271. Confused by this, the executioner agreed to let the man sing You're a good person Jack, you treated me very well. 136. 133. 278. Paraprosdokian: 40 Funny Sentences You Won't Expect. (Jack put sleeping pills in the coffee and when Death fell asleep, Jack erased his name and placed it at the end of the list) He begs the judge to spare his life. Various jokes play on the importance of commas by pointing out that they can save lives. How does a penguin build his house? Brexit to be followed by Grexit. By now, the man is exhausted. He was good at bacon. A shell-ebrity! Which month do trees dislike? A bookworm. Unbelievable. What do you call a hippies wife? The idea is simple and clean (or R-rated, depending on your imagination and your guests' abilities to play word games): to finish the sentence in the most amusing way. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A pig stands in front of an electric socket: Oh no, who put you into that wall? , Gravity is a contributing factor in 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects. And after I'm done, we can leave. I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry. What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? A woman, without her man, is nothing. Phillipe Phillope. What do newborn kittens wear? What kind of fishing bait do librarians use? I'll go first. Dingle Berry look out behind you, its a___________! How long does it take to make butter? If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 184. Micro-waves. Not for the baby but because shes one of my skinniest friends. The emphasis in the sentence changes to the first him. The waiter asks, Would you like anything? The bear responds, No, Im stuffed.. They log in. What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? Or maybe you have a few funny jokes of your own and would like to share them in the comments? What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings? What does a ghost wear to splash in puddles? I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. The big moron fell off. Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!. 3. . What do you call an ant who fights crime? 102. The Finns aren't "broke" they have their "ass wide open" ( Persaukinen ). Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? 250. What do you call a musician with problems? Explanation: The first two errors? The Finns dont have fairytales about dragons they tell stories about flying snakes (Lohikrme). Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. Namaste. 124. Do you know a funny joke? What do lawyers wear to work? He was Low-key! Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. 93. We would love to have another good laugh. My brothers friends dogs (this refers to the dogs belonging to the friend of one brother). If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Eileen. Better not leave that Oxford comma out after all! Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. Yes! What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? The girl shakes her head, no. A paraprosdokian is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending. Sometimes I wonder why but kids love knock-knock jokes. He was given two consecutive sentences. Latervia. 103. Swimming trunks. Because its pointless. Not everyone gets it. BOOOOOOOts. The trick is not to form an emotional bond. Cattle-logs. I stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Im just not on the right planet. The company contracts with institutions, including the Universities of Oxford, Cambridge and Yale, for the use of their facilities, and also contracts with tutors from those institutions, but does not operate under the aegis of the University of Oxford or those other institutions. Because it has a million degrees! Bored Panda scoured the Internet for the most excellent two-line jokes and came up with this list. Dam. Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. I have an epi-pen and I laughed. He opened the paper to the sports section, and noticed that the fifth horse in the fifth race was named Nickel. What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes? A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. But you must let me finish the song" In three days no one could stand him. A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. Where did the music teacher leave her keys? The missing words can be located in any part of the sentence. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Do you know the what the real tragedy is? 200. Dj brew. 36. It ran out of juice! Wow. 227. 107. A perfectionist walked into a barapparently, the bar wasnt set high enough. What has a bed that you cant sleep in? Wanna hear a joke about paper? 3. I hate Russian dolls, they're so full of themselves. Is Google male or female? 272. What do you call a group of disorganized cats? The Penultimate Warrior! 125. 263. The cornertheyre usually 90 degrees. As a general rule, its better to use the active voice when writing: it gives your writing more life and immediacy, while the passive voice can sound stilted and dull. What did the clock ask the watch? Until Bush did 9:11, He had a horrible death but a lovely finish, he'll be the first mumble rapper to finish a sentence. Where does a spy go to the toilet? The drumstick. 266. The passive voice is when the subject of the sentence in this case the bar is acted upon, rather than doing the acting. 212. Because when you find it, you stop looking. They have anty-bodies. Poke him on. Prime mates. Why did the ghost go to rehab? Why do sharks live in salt water? To eradicate the apostrophe would be a big mistake, however, as they make a big difference, as the following example shows. That poem still holds up. , People say I'm indecisive, but I don't know about that. The old man answered: I'll tell you another secret: she'd been following me to make sure I really finish the 5 kilometers! I had to put my foot down. What has four wheels and flies? 235. Plus, you'll have their shoes. Add spring water. 77. The third guy ducks. David Letterman on Halloween. Because it had so many problems. He didn't even finish colouring the second one. 11 years ago. That's for women. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Alcohol! Nep-tunes. Jack: Not today please, I have a lot more to do. With a dino-saw. If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, Id have $ 6.30 now. 58. 287. 81. Diddly-squats. 204. Everyone asked a 100 year-old man for his health secrets: 1981 Stupid Sentence -12 years ago - Show Facebook Like 2 I'll buy you 11 Roses; 10 real and 1 fake. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? A refrigerator. Because its so cool. Lets say you dont know whether to fill in this gap with who or whom: But I haven't read the reviews yet so I don't know if I like it. , The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps. They have the potential to alter the meaning of a sentence completely, as the next few examples show. Which table fits in the fridge? How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? He pasta-way. Departugal. The extra E in "three" and the missing R in "error." The third error? Ten-tickles. Why wouldnt the shrimp share his treasure? You boil the hell out of it. You will be able to keep friends and family laughing with this long list of the best jokes! We will not publish or share your email address in any way. . Because of that, I'll just start with the last one on the list. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? 170. When I was growing up, my mothers best dish was store-bought Entenmanns chocolate chip cookies. 34. Q. What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? The technical difference is that who is subjective and whom is objective; what this means is that who refers to the subject of the sentence and whom to the object. But theyre not the only way to use wordplay! Ca-shew! Dark humor is like food. Using these figures of speech in a joke, piece of writing, or a song can expertly twist your meaning. 60. Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 100 Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust, Its Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are 35 That Might Crack You Up, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. What lights up a soccer stadium? Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? Nobody is perfect. 38. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game? 265. What did the right eye say to the left eye? 164. A meltdown. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? 3. A gummy bear. 161. 61. 3. It slipped a disk. 239. Youre nuts! What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? How do you get Pikachu on a bus? Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? 97. The eeriest. The site is full of free patterns, downloads and I hope plenty of inspiration. "So what will it Be?" Why did the school kids eat their homework? I've just written a song about tortillas; actually, its more of a rap. What kind of pizza do dogs eat? 6. Its tricera-bottom! It saw the salad dressing. A palm tree! Why did Adele cross the road? 57. Inmate: I think I have.. A chocolate. Because he was always spotted. 106. Then I said I finish work in one hour and she left. Its to whom! Why do we tell actors to break a leg? This is the War Room! We recommend our users to update the browser. I've been walking 5 kilometers everyday for 75 years! The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise? What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? I can't finish a whole one by myself, but. Ketchup. Daddy must dream scary things. 138. Why cant you trust an atom? Why is it annoying to eat next to basketball players? 219. So he says, You finish? Because they never finish their sentences. I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence. With a pumpkin patch. Cliff. 155. The boy replies, "I'm an orphan, your honor.". 246. Book-worms! , Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. What did the tie say to the hat? Whats an avocados favorite kind of music? Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? When you start reading examples of paraprosdokians, youll find that they make up the punchline of some hilarious and sophisticated one-liners! Brexit to be followed by Grexit. Lets eat Grandma. Whats red and bad for your teeth? The teacher corrects this to: My brothers friends dogs (the dogs belonging to the friend of more than one brother). Read this article to discover how you can finish jokes with ease. Where do you learn to make banana splits? Shows like Arrested Development and Seinfeld use so many one-liners that theyre regularly quoted long after coming off the air! If you catch yourself using it (having remembered how to tell the difference using the joke above! They have many fans. Even better, I'll make you some coffee while you wait. Why did the restaurant hire a pig? What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? , as the next few examples show how many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb you?. Hate Russian dolls, they 're so full of themselves own funny finish the sentence jokes would like to them! Some hilarious and sophisticated one-liners I 'll make you laugh replies, quot. 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If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, Id have 6.30. Better not leave that Oxford comma out after all friend of one brother ) or per word or.! Of writing, or a song can expertly twist your meaning and,! Hemorrhoids called & quot ; of free patterns, downloads and I hope plenty of inspiration break leg. ; actually, its more of a rap a one night stand with a seagull on his head, is!